Totally Tubular Tuesday: Long Island Goddesses

Not many people know this, but I was actually born and raised in the small Caribbean island of Puerto Rico, La Isla Del Encanto.  I lived in PR until my 7th birthday, when my family moved to the US to start my 2nd year in elementary school.

You might ask "But Nina, you don't have an exotic accent that we can later make fun of in Superbowl commercials?"

This is sadly true, somewhere between charting my process on the Hooked on Phonics Board and 10 years in the US public school system I lost any trace of a Latin accent the permeates the second half of Florida.

Pre-Ke$ha

I like to think of myself as having a TV accent (also known as the Sitcom Accent), which my dad likes to call the Long Island Shiksa accent.  When we first moved, since my parents didn't have the time nor the energy to teach their abnormally gangly daughter a language they didn't really understand themselves, television became my after hours education with Fran Drescher and Rosie O'Donnell as my tutors.

I give it four Knishes!!

The Rosie O'Donell show was perfect because it was right after school, so it quickly became part of my weekday routine; right after catching the bus and before practicing NSYNC dance routines.  I mean come one! She had her own cartoon!  How was I not suppose to know this wasn't mean to be a kids show?  To be honest, I don't even remember being at all interested in what guests were on, Rosie was always the main attraction.  I even dreamed about going to her show and being the person who introduced the show and what I would wear and say.

I would wear my favorite pink overall dress with big purple buttons and yellow ducks on the hem, and I would say:

"Hi! My name is Nina from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and this is the Rosie O'Connell Show. Today's guests are Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand and Scarlett Johansson. HIT IT JOHN!!!"

My butterfly clip (or maybe clips) would twinkle in the spotlight when I yelled and pointed to the stage "AND HERE'S ROSIE!!!!!"

I think we can all agree lesbians are the best talk show hosts. AMIRIGHT?!

I thought she was the funniest woman alive, until I met Fran Drescher.

Queens of Long Island

If you haven't seen it already (though I find that pretty hard to believe), instead of staying up late watching reruns of Nashville on Huluplus, switch the channel to Nick at Nite and watch The Nanny.  This sitcom was TV gold and is still hilarious decades after it stopped airing.  Here was another cartoon opening, with another Long Island beauty that made me want to be best friends with her.  This woman had style, class and the sharpest wit made even better by her  two foot beehive and two inch miniskirts.

There are seriously too many funny scenes to choose from but this is pretty solid.

Not long after we moved, I started sounding more like a Jewish grandmother than a Latina immigrant.   It seems while my  meek Spanish accent was overtaken by the Long Island accent of a girl who preferred to stay inside and watch Funny Girl.  Even though I wish I still had some fragment of my Spanish accent left, I'm glad it was just another thing I inherited from the Long Island Goddesses who taught me everything I know about being a bad ass funny lady.

Manic Pixie Monday: Katy Rose

Before I fell in love with the California wild child Ke$ha or Sky Ferreira's moody coal lined eyes, there was Katy Rose.

credit: digplanet.com

You might remember her songs showing up in some of the pinnacle angsty teen girl movies like Mean Girls and Thirteen.  But I actually first saw her in Seventeen magazine spread about up-and-coming female singers who, as far as I remember, were all tan, blonde and wore lots of wide leg jeans.  Think a 1977 filter before Instagram.  But, along with fellow songstress Joss Stone, Katy Rose was the only teenager in the group, which in my 12 year old mind, makes her songs that much better.

Any gal that writes "I'll lick the blood right off your street" is a friend of mine

Look at that eyeliner!! Look at that smirk!! Look at that dress over jeans pairing!! How can you not fall in love?  As if it isn't badass enough that she actually wrote and produced all of her songs in her debut album, Because I Can, when she was only 16 years old, the songs are actually good.  

"Because I Can" (2004), also known as the Weetzie Bat Soundtrack 

I'm a few years older than Katy Rose was when she first came on the scene, but she still sounds like she has it more together than I do.  She knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it.  It's the kind of assuredness only a naive 16 year old can have and the kind I'm reminded of any time I play her music.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to need as much confidence as I can muster before I graduate, and right now, Katy Rose is on the top of my weeklong playlist.

Totally Tubular Tuesday: Jennifer Lawrence in The Bill Engvall Show

Welcome to Totally Tubular Tuesdays!!! The day I gush about all things TV because if there's one thing I'm good it's procrastinating.

Spending my formative years in a small town in North Carolina before getting my ass hauled all the way back to the Sunshine State meant I was no stranger to the trailer house favorite, Blue Collar TV (and I can say that because my best friend lives in a trailer and it's AWESOME).  Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy were household names and my friends and I spent many a night (yes, sometimes in said trailer) making up slogans for "You Might Be a Redneck".

Though it only lasted two seasons, these thickly accented comedians stole my pseudo small town girl heart.  This love for redneck jokes and blue collar blues led me to a small gem called The Bill Engvall Show, which led to an even more precious gem, Jennifer Lawrence.

The opening credits are a pair of jeans for goodness sake, this is country comedy gold!!!

That's right!! Our Oscar winning Jenny was part of the Blue Collar family, and I was mesmerized by her blonde curls and sharp humor before you hipsters can summarize the plot of Winter's Bone.  Talk about a star in the making, in some scenes she even outshines Bill, and his name is in the gosh darn title!

Can you imagine a time when Jennifer's character's biggest worry was finding a date to the semi-formal and not trying to survive getting killed by 23 other tributes or searching the Appalachian wilderness for her meth-junkie father?

Personally, I think Jennifer Lawrence was made for comedy (just check out any interview she's ever had... ever)  and I would love to see her make a return to the genre that first put her on the spotlight.  But then again, I"m graduating with a B.A. in Creative Writing and she already has an Oscar, so one of us is doing something  right (and it isn't the one writing in a hilariously titled blog).  You go Jennifer Lawrence, keep making us Blue Collar  fans proud!!!

Manic Pixie Monday: Kate Nash

When "Foundations" first released, I was a fresh faced freshman, braces free for the first time since I started my monthly present.  This was before I dyed my hair an Angela Chase crimson, before my first boyfriend, my first break up, gosh before Facebook!  My favorite activities consisted of Buffy reruns and reading Francesca Lia Block novels.  And right along side my descent into puberty was Kate Nash.

Kate Nash tapped into my inner most desires to own a wardrobe full of dresses that matched my tights and date idiot guys I could later write sassy blog posts and non fiction pieces for class about.
She made me realize I could be cute and strong and be compromised by neither.  I could talk about how much I hated my partner while simultaneously missing them.

Her songs were the anthems for the undergirl who would rather spend her time reading a book than going to parties, who dreamed about kissing but had much more fun hanging out by themselves and singings songs about kissing. She even recreated the entire Buffy episode "Once More with Feeling" in a live concert.  Obviously, we are Buffy soul mates.  She openly talks about feminism and this influence can easily be heard in her songs emphasizing sapphic friendships and misandry. What I would give to be a part of Kate Nash's girl gang (seriously Kate, say the word and I will do it).

Even after all these years, three albums, a new look, a new sound, Kate Nash still fascinates me. No longer that same fresh faced girl from high school, her heart felt lyrics mixed in with a pinch of humor and sassy wit still get me every time.  Her new album "Girl Talk" just released in the states and you can bet I will be saving up in hopes of seeing this Manic Pixie Queen live.

Manic Pixie Monday: Wake Me Up Before you Go-Go!

I don't know about ya'll but I love my job.

While most wouldnt consider working the front desk as glamorous, once you've worked for the graveyard shift at Denny's like I have,  I feel like a princess wearing my business casual garb in an office that's not run by middle aged dudes that still shop at Hot Topic.  It's also nice to work at a place where the worse that could happen is a paper cut and not accidentally cutting off your hand while restocking the salad bar.

I like to think of my receptionist job as the perfect manic pixie queer girl job.  What other position would pay me to check my pinterest and Autostraddle (this part is usually without them knowing)  while simultaneously wearing a cute outfit with a  nametag that matches my bright red lipstic?  Let the selfies begin!

If Peggy Olson and Zooey Deschanel had a baby, it would probably be a lot cuter and more ambitious than me, but I can sure as heck try!

The only downside (well more like a wayside-side)  is having to wake up before most freshman have classes.  Since I have yet to accept coffee into my life, my ability to stay awake has been due to sheer will and any makeshift snack I happen to grab before leaving the house, which strangely enough is ususally chocolate chip Eggo waffles.  A bottle of syrup has become a permanent backpack staple.  But in those mornings when not even premade waffles can keep me awake, I take advantage of the hour before everyone else shows up to turn the office into my own radio station.

These are some of the songs wake me up before I go-go!

Dolly Parton: 9-5



Dolly has always been a hero of mine and what better song to listen to than one made especially for the working girl!  Those who haven't seen the movie should drop whatever their doing and watch the marvel that is Dolly, Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda being bad ass misandrists. 
I'm not quite sure what/where this performance is, but it definitely relates to my inner Disney Princess.

 

Marina and the Diamonds: Oh No!

 

Listening to Marina's music sometimes makes me feel like I"m in a jazzercise video, with neon lycra jumsuit and all, and this song is no different.  Only instead of exercise,  I'm at my desk wearing a headband frantically typing with one hand and holding a dumbbell in the other.  This look says: Get toWork!

 

 

Billy Joel: The Longest Time

 



 

Okay so, I said I was making a playlist of songs I like to hear in the morning, I didn't say that it would make sense.  I"m not sure why, but this song reminds me of when my parents would drop me off at elementary school and we would listen to Sunny radiostation. Oh youth: back when I was carefree and could wake up at 6 am without so much as a yawn before strapping on my Mulan backpack (Gay Girl Alert!). 

 

 

Heart: These Dreams

 



 

And the list just gets weirder and weirder.  Let me start off by saying I love Heart, the good and the bad.  And frankly, I don't know how I got into listening to this song but it gets the job done, even if the music video has gives me nightmares (I'm sorry did anyone else notice the vagina at he beginning of this video?)

Totally Tubular Tuesday: Bunheads

Welcome to Totally Tubular Tuesdays!!! The day I gush about all things TV because if there's one thing I'm good it's procrastinating.

A tuesday night staple for me is watching 'Bunheads', a seriously underrated show about Sutton Foster wearing leggings surrounded by other skinny girls wearing leggings.  I am obviously their demographic.

Am I a Bunhead yet?

It was created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, the same woman who brought us the equally lovable show 'Gilmore Girls'.  Even if this show seriously lacked any one wearing leggings, I admit this is also a favorite of mine.  So much so that I spent all of last summer re-watching the entire series.

This pic really brings out the crazy in my eyes

But anyway, back to Bagelheads, I mean Bunheads.  Geesh, this show really needs to brainstorm a new title.  It's just embarrassing.  You could be the most well read scholar, with a PhD. in (insert some extremely difficult field of study here), but the second you utter the word BUNHEADS, you'll have middle schooler's rolling their eyes.

Here are some new title Ideas:

Cute Girls in Leggings

Leggings-o-Rama

Sutton Foster Variety Hour

Okay so I'm not exactly the wittiest title creator, so I'll leave the title making in the good hands of the writers of this show, which, frankly, I worship.  The way these character's talk, much like in 'Gilmore Girls', involves quips on obscure pop culture references (which I am proud/embarrassed to admit I know most) and sincere and funny emotion that sounds true of the character's speaking.  It's like watching a piece I have written on TV, and that's awesome!  It relies less on sensationalism and more the character's relationships and growth which lack in other TV shows (Pretty Little Liars, I'm looking at you!!).

One of these is not like the others (and she's wearing the bandana)

This show revolves around a group of ballet dancers, the said "bunheads" of the title, their quirky teacher Michelle (played by Sutton Foster) and her mother in law (played by Kelly Bishop).  I have to say it's refreshing to watch a show that is focused on the friendship of these women, with the men in their lives is mere supporting cast.  Friendships change, and grow; that's what I'm interested in.  Not whether or not Sasha decides to date some guy who wears eye liner like it's 2006.  I want to know if Boo will ever stand up to bossy Sasha, or at least get a cooler nickname.  I want to know if my lesbian prayers will be answered with Ginny and Melanie making out after a derby bout.  Oh yeah, did I mention one of the ballet dancers is on a roller derby team because of her anger issues?  They've got her wearing bandanas on her head and everything.  This gal is definitely playing on our team.

Look at that bad ass!! It's no secret she's my favorite.


I'm also a sucker for a good dance number and this show is chalk full of them.  What can you expect from a show that stars two of Broadway's most famous actresses, with Sutton Foster the winner of TWO Tony's (Thoroughly Modern Milie, Anything Goes) and Kelly Bishop as the original Sheila in Chorus Line.  If the show surrounding a dance studio isn't enough razzle dazzle for you, every episode ends with a dance number that surrounds that episode's theme.  Well, I think.  I"m not quite sure what "Instanbul (Not Constantinople)" has to do with a bunch teen girls with an affinity for food shaped hair but it's delicious and fun to watch even for just the sheer absurdity of it all.

Rumors started circulating the webz that this gem of a show might get cancelled which I pray to the Goddess it wont.  "Bunheads" deserves a long run, and I'll be damned if I don't get my scene of Mel roller blading Ginny off her feet into a derby dance number.  Palladino, you magical top hat wearing fairy godmother, make this happen!!!

Just Another Manic Pixie Monday

Welcome to Nina's blog 3.0 where I've come to realize nothing makes you blog like desperation... or terrible weather.  The weeklong rain/hail storm that has terrorized our small panhandle town made me realize I can't just wait to be graced by some Lesbian Godmother and take my rightful place next to my ce-lesbian elites, I have to do it myself.  So naturally my protest against mother nature led me to try blogging again.  Can you believe I've had some form of blog wondering around the webz since 2008? 
But this time it's different (hopefully). I've got my glasses on and my sassy sockbun and I am a-noggin for some bloggin.
Since I'm actually still at work there is little that I can do in the way of funny photos of said sockbun and any other hilarity, so for my first post you will just have to do with CSS (a favorite of mine which will definitely pop up again later in this blog) singing all of my stormy weather blues away and shedding light on my new venture.